The other day at the gym, I was coaching one of our small group training sessions, doing what I do best: telling our members which barbell to grab, which plates to use, where to stand, and what we were doing next.
At some point I laughed and said, “This job was tailor-made for a bossy oldest daughter.” It’s a win for everyone. My members don’t have to think about their workout, and I get to live fully in my purpose of telling people what to do.
Later that day, I posted about it on facebook and a friend commented on the post and said:
“I have never done any weight training because I literally have no idea what to do. And now I’ve reached an age where I should focus on strength training. I always feel like I must have been absent the day everyone else learned about weights.”
I can’t stop thinking about that sentence.
Because if you’re a woman over 40, there is a very good chance you feel the same way.
You Didn’t Miss a Day, You Weren’t Invited
So many women believe they’re “behind” when it comes to lifting weights. That everyone else learned how to use barbells and dumbbells somewhere along the way, and they somehow missed the memo.
But here’s the truth: most women were never taught this stuff in the first place.
PE class rarely included real strength training. Commercial gyms marketed cardio machines and “toning” classes to women. Weight rooms (until very recently) were unwelcoming, intimidating, or flat-out hostile. Add in decades of messaging about being careful, staying small, or “not bulking up,” and it makes perfect sense that a lot of women arrive at midlife feeling unsure where to start. Women our age were actively discouraged from lifting anything heavier than a little pink dumbbell.
Why Lifting Matters More After 40
Here’s the good news: starting strength training in your 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond is one of the most impactful things you can do for your long-term health.
Strength training helps:
- Maintain and build muscle mass as we age
- Improve bone density and reduce fracture risk
- Support joint health and balance
- Increase insulin sensitivity and metabolic health (if you’ve been worried about your A1C, this is a big deal)
- Protect independence and confidence as bodies change
This isn’t about aesthetics. It’s about being able to get up off the floor, carry groceries, travel comfortably, and move through life feeling capable in your own body.
The Real Barrier Is Decision Fatigue
What I hear most from women isn’t “I don’t want to lift.” It’s “I don’t know what to do, and I’m afraid of doing it wrong.”
Which brings me back to my original joke about being bossy.
A big part of effective coaching, especially for women who are new to lifting, is removing decision fatigue. You don’t need to know which bar to use. You don’t need to design a program. You don’t need to walk into a gym and figure it out by observing strangers and hoping you copy them correctly.
You need someone to say:
- Grab this bar.
- Use these plates.
- Stand here.
- I’ve got you.
We make it so you don’t have to figure out what to do or how to get it done.
You’re Not Late. You’re Right on Time.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “I should really be lifting, but I don’t know where to start,” let me say this clearly:
You are not behind.
You are not too old.
You did not miss your chance.
You are right on time, and there are people whose entire job is to help you learn in a way that feels safe, respectful, and doable. (Hi, it’s us, we’re those people.)
Whether you’ve never touched a weight in your life or you tried once and swore off it forever, you don’t have to figure this out alone. There is no prize for struggling through confusion, and there’s no shame in wanting guidance.
And trust me: this bossy oldest daughter would love to help.
